The Shortest Weeks are Sometimes the Longest (and Holidays can be Stressful)

Holidays can be very hard (warning: this is not my typical post about buildings or places). I wish I could be researching and writing about one of the topics on my ever-expanding list of cool things I’ve found or discovered, but life intervenes at times. My personal stress level is high, I am worried about friends, and family members, and this is the season of “crunch time” to finish up work-related projects. Plus, Thanksgiving is Thursday.

Unlike many people, I don’t have to travel far – just down the road to my parents. And my culinary contribution is sweet potato casserole, which my eldest sister insists is a crime against an innocent tuber. I don’t care – I love seeing how many marshmallows I can smush into the sweet potato, egg, and sugar mixture.

And I am so thankful to have family – family that I like –  with which to celebrate, reflect, and give thanks. But this is also a season fraught with too much tradition, expectation, and seasoned with extra doses of stress. It’s one thing to urge people to slow down, be gentle with themselves, and to be thankful. But sometimes even that is too much to ask.

I was quite young when I learned that the holidays – particularly Thanksgiving and Christmas – can be emotional minefields for people. My grandmother died right after Christmas when I was four years old, and that loss flavored our family Christmas for more than a decade. There was a lot of pressure to do things as they had always been done – my mother felt, I think, that she had to carry on and be the perfect hostess, producing a red and green spectacle of cheer and consumption.

It was wonderful for a child, and I have very fond memories of Christmas past.  But it was so hard on my mother, who really just needed a break from tradition, and time to heal.

We could all use a break at times- from our own expectations and those of others. Whenever I feel my stress-o-meter ramping up (and as the mother of two very young children, I am becoming all too familiar with a brand of anxiety I’ve heretofore never experienced) I try to escape outside. The farm served as my solace during my formative years, and fulfills the same role today.

I am no mental health expert – but I think that nature is restorative, and that there is much wisdom in (channeling Frozen now) letting go. I’ve cried a great deal in the last week over matters entirely out of my control. Chocolate and sleep help, but being kind is perhaps most important. We often have no idea what the people around us are going through – and being aware that everyone struggles is a good place to start.

Those struggles can be heightened by the holidays, when there are so many reminders of people no longer with us, and idealized visions of family seem to be everywhere.

To the lady who asked me if I was OK as I sat in the doctor’s office with my baby son last week, trying to hold back hysterical sobs – thank you. Your kindness, and offer to pray for me helped me get through the rest of the day. I am so thankful for you being aware of me in our crowded and busy spaces of life.

I hope everyone can find something to enjoy on Thanksgiving, and a reason to administer a bit of kindness to yourself and others in your orbit. Eat too much of a favorite family dish – take a long walk and enjoy the sculptural  beauty of the trees around you – and let yourself be. Your regularly scheduled programming from Gardens to Gables will return next week (I hope), but for the next few days I am going to stay far away from the computer.